Unrealistic standards and emotional barriers are causing men to rethink dating, while women may be overlooking the good men right in front of them.
Have you noticed that men seem to be pulling back from dating lately? It’s not just in your head. Men are increasingly saying no to dating because they’re tired of the emotional rejection, the unrealistic expectations of what they should bring to the table, and the rise of “boss chick” energy. Many men today long for a softer, more emotionally present woman, and they’re growing weary of playing by rules that don’t favor genuine connection. So, what’s going on, and how can we change the game?
In the spirit of that conversation, let’s also address a common concern among women: “Are all the good men already taken?” I wrote a post on this in 2022 and since then things continue to change.
Before you draw conclusions, let’s look at a few reasons why it may seem that way:
1. Assumed Conclusions
After repeated attempts to find a good man and hitting a series of dead ends, it’s easy to conclude that all the good men are already taken. However, this mindset can be your biggest saboteur. When you tune your frequency to “all good men are unavailable,” you might dismiss a genuine guy who doesn’t fit into the limited narrative you’ve come to expect. Besides, all that glitters isn’t gold. Sometimes it’s just glitter and a mess!
2. Unrealistic Expectations
Many women unknowingly expect too much too soon. The belief that a man should check off an exhaustive list of attributes right from the start is a major block to building genuine relationships. I recall a Sunshine who had a three-page list of requirements. At the time, it seemed appropriate. Thank God I transitioned from that rather quickly. My list was short: no kids, a job, having his own place, and a car. More on that later. Let’s move on.
Building a meaningful connection takes time, effort, and a mutual willingness to grow together. Men today are increasingly turned off by unrealistic expectations around what they should provide, both materially and emotionally, without a woman allowing space for connection to develop.
3. Looking in the Wrong Places
If you’re dating primarily through apps or meeting potential partners in superficial settings, you might not be seeing men in their most natural or authentic state. Men who are serious about relationships often gravitate toward environments where they can be seen for who they truly are like community events, interest-based meetups, or charitable organizations. Consider expanding your search to places where men are aligned with your values. Get creative!
4. You See What You Want to See
Often, it’s easy to believe that coupled men appear more desirable simply because they’re already in a stable relationship. This fuels the misconception that “all good men are taken.” But when a single man shows interest, it’s common to hyper-focus on his flaws, comparing him to an idealized version of a partner that doesn’t exist in reality. Sunshine, remember relationships require compromise, and no man will be flawless.
Relationships, like the medical profession, are a practice—constantly evolving, requiring patience, skill, and a commitment to growth.
5. Men Want Softer Women, Not Boss Chicks
The modern dating world has put an emphasis on “boss chick” energy—women who are highly successful, assertive, and independent. While these qualities are powerful, many men are seeking women who balance strength with emotional warmth and softness. Men today are increasingly vocal about wanting a partner who can nurture a connection rather than dominate it. If you lead with a guarded or overly assertive demeanor, it could push away the very men you’re hoping to attract.
6. Reevaluating Your Standards
While having standards is important, they can sometimes become barriers to finding love when they’re based on superficial or rigid expectations. God created man and woman to complement each other. But when we hold out for a fantasy partner, we close ourselves off from the potential for real, fulfilling relationships. Reevaluate whether your checklist includes values that will truly build a lasting connection, rather than focusing on material or external factors.
7. God Has a Plan
The idea that “all the good men are taken” ignores the fact that God is always working in our lives. God instituted marriage and values it deeply. He has someone for everyone, and He is actively leading you to that person in ways you might not expect. Whether through a sudden realization, a divinely orchestrated meeting, or peace in your spirit about a certain relationship, God’s timing is perfect (Romans 8:14).
Remember, love isn’t about finding the “perfect” man—it’s about recognizing a man who’s good for you, and who you can grow with. Keep your heart open, reassess your expectations, and trust that the right person will come into your life at the right time.
Worth Noting: As men become more selective in their dating lives, women must meet them halfway. By fostering emotional availability and realistic expectations, you will find that the barriers to lasting love begin to break down. Embrace the beauty of building something genuine and lasting.