Active Listening: More Than Just Hearing Words

In this fast-paced digital world, conversations often occur in snippets and sound bites, the profound act of truly listening has taken a backseat. But let’s pause and reflect on a powerful insight: Listening is not a passive activity. It takes an active effort to understand not just the words, but the emotions and intentions behind them. This statement opens a world of wisdom about communication, connection, and compassion in our interactions with others.

Understanding Active Listening

Active listening is a conscious process that involves not only hearing the words spoken but also comprehending the complete message being conveyed. It’s about tuning into the nuances of tone, the unspoken or hidden emotions, and the intentions dangling just between the lines. In essence, active listening is the bridge that connects the islands of human experiences, enabling us to understand each other’s worlds a bit better.

The Activity of Active Listening
Active listening is composed of several actions that comprise the active listening skillset. Image below briefly describes the activity of listening.

Why Is Active Listening Important?

Active listening is foundational to building strong relationships, whether personal or professional. It fosters an environment of trust and respect, where people feel valued and understood. In a world where everyone wants to be heard, giving of yourself to listen can transform interactions in profound ways.

A Scenario: The Lost Art Rediscovered

Imagine Amy, a manager in a bustling corporate office. Her days are filled with meetings, emails, and constant problem-solving. Amidst this whirlwind of activity, Amy realizes her team’s morale has been dwindling. The usual vibrancy and collaboration have given way to silence and disengagement.

Determined to turn things around, Amy holds a series of one-on-one meetings with her team. But this time with a twist, she approaches these meetings differently. Instead of the usual rush to offer solutions, Amy focuses on actively listening. She pays attention to not just what her team members say but how they say it: their hesitations, any stress in their voices, and the unspoken concerns behind their words.

As the meetings progress, Amy discovers concerns and ideas that had never surfaced in team meetings. She realizes that her team members didn’t just need directives; they needed to be heard, to feel that their contributions mattered.

Armed with these insights, Amy makes changes to how the team operates, encouraging more open communication and creating spaces for everyone to share their thoughts and feelings. Over time, the office begins to buzz with energy again, as team members feel more connected and valued.

The Ripple Effect of Active Listening

Amy’s story is a testament to the transformative power of active listening. By choosing to listen actively, she not only identified and addressed the underlying issues affecting her team but also fostered a culture of mutual respect and understanding. The effects of active listening can extend beyond the workplace, enhancing personal relationships, community interactions, and even communication on social platforms.

Developing the Skill of Active Listening

Becoming an active listener takes learning and practice. Here are some tips that expand on the list above to grow this skill:

Be Present: No multitasking. Giving someone your full attention is a precious gift. Resist the urge to check your phone or think about your response while the other person is speaking. It can be difficult, but you can do it!

Maintain Eye Contact: No staring, please. This non-verbal cue shows you are engaged and interested in what the speaker has to say.

Reflect and Clarify: Periodically, summarize what you’ve heard and ask clarifying questions. This informs the speaker that you are actively following the conversation and care about accurately understanding what’s being communicated.

Acknowledge Feelings: Acknowledge and affirm the speaker’s emotions. Saying things like “That sounds challenging” or “I can see why you’d feel that way” can make a significant difference.

Practice Patience: Let the conversation unfold naturally without rushing to fill silences or immediately offering solutions.

By embracing the art of active listening, we not only hear more but also understand and connect on a level beyond words, weaving our own fabric of genuine human connection.

All the Good Men are Already Taken

Image of a couple and friend drinking coffee.

Friends have been asking me to write about divorce and how it can be beneficial. With Valentine’s Day occurring less than two weeks ago, let’s briefly discuss the “all good men are already taken” conversation. After possibly multiple trials on dating sites, family and friend match makers and multiple dead ends, some women start to believe that all the good men are already taken. A good man can be defined as one who wouldn’t lie, cheat, consider violence as option when communications break down, or leave when life gets tough.

Before we move on, let’s begin with a few reasons why (it seems) that all the good men are already taken:

1. ASSUMED CONCLUSIONS.

After several attempts to find a good man and yielding no positive outcome, this leads to the conclusion that all the ‘good men’ are already taken. This conclusion may cause a woman to unconsciously downplay a ‘good man’ when one comes along because the mind’s frequency has been tuned to WGMT (good men taken).

2. EXPECTING TOO MUCH, TOO SOON.

Creating beautiful and unbreakable relationships take time and work to build. Emphasis on the word work. Strong relationships occur when both parties give their best. Perhaps some great guys are missed because of the time and effort required to get the best hasn’t been invested yet.

3. YOU’RE LOOKING IN THE WRONG PLACES.

Relationships start by actually meeting people and getting to know them. Speed dating and dating apps aren’t always very helpful in meeting people in their most honest and natural form. If you are trying to find a good man, you’ll have to pay attention to where and how you meet the men you date. Instead of a random club or bar, try a book club or a charity outreach/event.

4. YOU SEE WHAT YOU WANT TO SEE.

Most coupled men tend to look very good when they are in a loving relationship. This tends to consolidate the idea that ‘all good men are taken’. But when a man is single, the checklist titled my ideal man is pulled up on the computer and the search for flaws initiated. Chances are when held up against a checklist, he will have several flaws.

Finding a good man is a complicated task when you are already in a relationship with the fantasy man who checks certain boxes or specifications you have for yourself. This will cause every potentially good man that comes your way not to match up. Reassess those standards to ensure they are a bit more realistic.

5. UNREALISTIC STANDARDS

The truth is, as cliché as it might sound, there is someone for everyone. God himself instituted marriage from the beginning. He created man as a social being; hence, there was a need for a suitable counterpart for man’s potential to be maximized. This led to the creation of woman to be his wife, thus, laying the foundation and pattern for holy matrimony (Genesis 2: 20-24).

God has a good man for every good woman and a good woman for every good man. He still delights in marriages till death. He loves it when a good woman meets a good man, gets to know him in a relationship and then move on to get married. The question one has to ask themselves now is what makes a person ‘good’?

Goodness is a fruit of the Holy Spirit (Galatians 5:22). This means a ‘good’ person in God’s eyes is a person filled with the Holy Spirit. This means such a person must have a salvation experience, as this is the only way of receiving the Holy Spirit. A person becomes ‘good’ as a result of the transformation that occurs after salvation.

Now that we’ve defined what it means to be a ‘good’ person, we have to understand that God will never leave such a person to find a suitable partner on their own. He’s aware of your need for a good partner; and actively leads you to finding one. He does this through various methods:

  1. A strong impression in your heart inspired by the Spirit of God (Romans 8:14)
  2. The audible voice of God (1 Samuel 3:10)
  3. Deep unexplainable love-not lust, pity or admiration-for an individual
  4. Dreams, Visions and Revelations-not contrary to the scriptures (Acts 16:9-10)
  5. Divinely ordered circumstances (Genesis 24:12-27)
  6. Peace in the heart and spirit concerning a perceived choice

One thing to remember is that God instituted marriage and being a good God, he only has good plans for you (Jer. 29:11). At no time will all the good men be taken because someone right for you is out there.

Welcome 2019!

Happy New Year!

2018 is over.  Friends and family shared 2018 was a year of opportunity and accomplishment.  Others reported expectantly waiting for opportunities. Regrettably, none occurred.  New Year’s Day though a construct in time gives hope to the soul. Hope is important.  With it those receiving look to an even brighter future. Not receiving is an opportunity in itself.  An opportunity to reject the status quo and discouragement.  With each new day, a bit of faith and persistent action, things begin to change.

During my childhood, about the age of 11, I hoped to pop my gum just like the big girls.  I was a simple kid.  Chewing lots of Doublemint gum, determined to hear my gum pop, I held out hope.  Daily doses of encouragement came as “keep chewing and when you least expect it, it will happen.”

“I also encouraged myself.  I believed the people who believed in me.”

While jumping rope and listening to the other girls’ chant of 2-4-6-8-10-12…, the chant and the rhythm of a gum-popping sound kept tempo with each turn of the ropes.   What a joyous moment!  The gum popping happened effortlessly.  Like how a professional athlete plays his/her game. It was worth the months of faith and persistent effort.

At the start of this year, you may resolve to do this or that.  Stay aware that things happen for those who remain hopeful and active, that is persistent.  Have your best possible year.

 

Happy October 31, 2017

The Halloween holiday isn’t the only event of significance on October 31.  A number of notable things occurred in history on this date:

Martin Luther, in 1517, nailed a document, his 95 Theses to the door of the Catholic Church. Luther took this action after being told that priest were selling “indulgences”  to church members for the forgiveness of sin.  This frustrated Luther as members believed they no longer had to repent for their sins. History records that the church labeled Luther a criminal.  Furthermore,  anyone could kill him without punishment. I don’t know about you, but this has Halloween overtones in that this is a ghoulish story that was in no way funny.

The good news is that Luther died of natural causes after creating a German translation of the Bible.

Now, back to Halloween.  I look forward to October 31st because November follows and then December: Thanksgiving and Christmas. Yay!