Author: Lindsay

Chief Asker of Why, storyteller, facilitator, and wordsmith who never says no to a hot cup of tea. Author of Sunshine Why Would You Do That? An intimate look at how women sometimes behave in relationships and Sunshine Why Would You Do That? Bad Actors in the Workplace (coming November 2024). Proud member of the National Speakers Association. I'm all about digging deep into the "why" behind our choices, sparking real conversations, and helping others create meaningful connections through bold stories and thought-provoking questions.

Why Men Are Pulling Back: Fear of Rejection and High Expectations

Unrealistic standards and emotional barriers are causing men to rethink dating, while women may be overlooking the good men right in front of them.

Have you noticed that men seem to be pulling back from dating lately? It’s not just in your head. Men are increasingly saying no to dating because they’re tired of the emotional rejection, the unrealistic expectations of what they should bring to the table, and the rise of “boss chick” energy. Many men today long for a softer, more emotionally present woman, and they’re growing weary of playing by rules that don’t favor genuine connection. So, what’s going on, and how can we change the game?

In the spirit of that conversation, let’s also address a common concern among women: “Are all the good men already taken?” I wrote a post on this in 2022 and since then things continue to change.

Before you draw conclusions, let’s look at a few reasons why it may seem that way:

1. Assumed Conclusions

After repeated attempts to find a good man and hitting a series of dead ends, it’s easy to conclude that all the good men are already taken. However, this mindset can be your biggest saboteur. When you tune your frequency to “all good men are unavailable,” you might dismiss a genuine guy who doesn’t fit into the limited narrative you’ve come to expect. Besides, all that glitters isn’t gold. Sometimes it’s just glitter and a mess!

2. Unrealistic Expectations

Many women unknowingly expect too much too soon. The belief that a man should check off an exhaustive list of attributes right from the start is a major block to building genuine relationships. I recall a Sunshine who had a three-page list of requirements. At the time, it seemed appropriate. Thank God I transitioned from that rather quickly. My list was short: no kids, a job, having his own place, and a car. More on that later. Let’s move on.

Building a meaningful connection takes time, effort, and a mutual willingness to grow together. Men today are increasingly turned off by unrealistic expectations around what they should provide, both materially and emotionally, without a woman allowing space for connection to develop.

3. Looking in the Wrong Places

If you’re dating primarily through apps or meeting potential partners in superficial settings, you might not be seeing men in their most natural or authentic state. Men who are serious about relationships often gravitate toward environments where they can be seen for who they truly are like community events, interest-based meetups, or charitable organizations. Consider expanding your search to places where men are aligned with your values. Get creative!

4. You See What You Want to See

Often, it’s easy to believe that coupled men appear more desirable simply because they’re already in a stable relationship. This fuels the misconception that “all good men are taken.” But when a single man shows interest, it’s common to hyper-focus on his flaws, comparing him to an idealized version of a partner that doesn’t exist in reality. Sunshine, remember relationships require compromise, and no man will be flawless.

Relationships, like the medical profession, are a practice—constantly evolving, requiring patience, skill, and a commitment to growth.

5. Men Want Softer Women, Not Boss Chicks

The modern dating world has put an emphasis on “boss chick” energy—women who are highly successful, assertive, and independent. While these qualities are powerful, many men are seeking women who balance strength with emotional warmth and softness. Men today are increasingly vocal about wanting a partner who can nurture a connection rather than dominate it. If you lead with a guarded or overly assertive demeanor, it could push away the very men you’re hoping to attract.

6. Reevaluating Your Standards

While having standards is important, they can sometimes become barriers to finding love when they’re based on superficial or rigid expectations. God created man and woman to complement each other. But when we hold out for a fantasy partner, we close ourselves off from the potential for real, fulfilling relationships. Reevaluate whether your checklist includes values that will truly build a lasting connection, rather than focusing on material or external factors.

7. God Has a Plan

The idea that “all the good men are taken” ignores the fact that God is always working in our lives. God instituted marriage and values it deeply. He has someone for everyone, and He is actively leading you to that person in ways you might not expect. Whether through a sudden realization, a divinely orchestrated meeting, or peace in your spirit about a certain relationship, God’s timing is perfect (Romans 8:14).

Remember, love isn’t about finding the “perfect” man—it’s about recognizing a man who’s good for you, and who you can grow with. Keep your heart open, reassess your expectations, and trust that the right person will come into your life at the right time.

Caption: Woman embracing a new way forward.

Worth Noting: As men become more selective in their dating lives, women must meet them halfway. By fostering emotional availability and realistic expectations, you will find that the barriers to lasting love begin to break down. Embrace the beauty of building something genuine and lasting.

How to Simplify Communication with Men

A No-Stress Guide for Talking to Your Man

Sunshines, we’ve all been there trying to have a simple conversation with the man in our life, only to realize we’ve lost him halfway through. Sound familiar? If so, you’re not alone! Here’s the thing: men don’t always process things the way we do, and it can be frustrating. Trust me, I get it. But here’s the good news: they aren’t mind readers, and they don’t follow us when we hop from topic to topic. So, how do we make sure our message comes across loud and clear? Let’s dive in and explore a few simple steps to keep things stress-free and, most importantly, effective. Ready? Let’s begin!

1. Issue #1: Overloading with Details

Are you someone who loves details? If so, you might unknowingly be overwhelming your man with information. We tend to think that more details = more clarity, but in reality, he’s probably drowning, and all he hears is blah, blah, blah…

Better Choice: Keep it simple! Focus on the key points. Think of it like a highlight reel, not a full-length video. This approach helps him stay engaged and actually absorb what you’re saying.

Why It Works: When you overload him with every little detail, the main point gets lost. He’s confused, you’re frustrated, and neither of you is happy. Girl, less is more.

On to the next point, because simplifying isn’t just about details—it’s about directness.

2. Issue #2: Expecting Him to “Just Get It”

Sunshines, this is a big one. You might be dropping hints, giving subtle clues, or hoping he’ll just magically know what you need or how you feel. But here’s a reality check: he won’t. Men aren’t wired to read between the lines, so it’s time to cut out the guessing games.

Better Choice: Say what you mean—directly. If you want something, ask without attitude. If something’s bothering you, tell him. He doesn’t want to play detective.

Why It Works: Clear communication takes the pressure off him to decode your message, and it saves you from feeling unheard or misunderstood. No more frustration!

Let’s keep going because emotions play a big role in how we communicate.

3. Issue #3: Overly Emotional Language

Now, I’m not saying don’t express your feelings (we’re all about being in touch with our emotions), but if you lead with intense emotions, he might miss the actual point. Men can get lost in the emotion and fail to focus on the issue at hand.

Better Choice: Balance emotions with clarity. Start with how you feel, but quickly follow up with a clear explanation of what the problem is. And girl, use those “I” statements! They’re a game-changer.

Why It Works: When you’re clear about what you need while expressing your feelings, he can process both without getting defensive. It keeps things calm, productive, and respectful. And you will score cool points!

Now that you have these tips, let’s put them into action.

Now You Know:

Stick to the essential points to keep his attention.
Clearly state your needs—no guessing games.
Minimize emotional expression and use clear, direct language to make sure the real issue is understood.
Develop new communication habits to gain a real connection.
Speak in a way that fosters understanding, not confusion.

Simplify Communication with Men Today:

Reflect on how you’ve been communicating—could things be clearer?
Plan ahead: try summarizing your main points before diving into a conversation.
Make space for direct, open communication with your man. You’ll both benefit.
Practice using “I” statements. Watch how they keep things grounded and respectful.

Remember, “Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.” – Colossians 4:6

Respectful and Professional Talk in the House

Today’s session in the House of Representatives showed us why we need to keep things respectful and professional. Some exchanges were marked by personal attacks and unprofessional language about eyelashes, hair color, and body type.

This communication episode reminded me how important it is to maintain the dignity of our institutions.

I usually don’t discuss politics, but what I saw on the news today made me write this post. Our elected officials must represent the people with integrity and respect. The world is watching. Some even compared the event to a Jerry Springer episode. Here are a few guidelines to ensure we keep the highest standards of conduct in the House and in our daily lives:

Respectful Communication: Always speak to colleagues with respect. Avoid personal attacks or unkind remarks. Focus on the issues, not each other’s appearances or personal traits.

Professional Language: Use language that reflects their serious responsibilities. Slang or informal expressions can make us look unprofessional and hurt our public image. Be sure to use both respectful and professional language.

Active Listening: Listen to what others are saying without interrupting. This shows respect and helps us understand each other better.

Focus on Issues, Not Individuals: Keep debates and discussions about policies, ideas, and solutions. Avoid focusing on personal characteristics. Hurt feelings can lead to poor communication.

Lead by Example: Our Representatives set the tone for public discourse. By being civil and professional, they can inspire others to do the same.

Let’s commit to creating an environment where every voice is heard with respect. Strictly avoid responding in kind to disrespectful verbal jabs. Training may be needed to improve communication skills so that the tactics mentioned above are known and can be implemented. Every discussion should be respectful and professionalism. Together, we can ensure that our legislative process reflects the values of integrity and respect that our constituents expect and deserve.

#Professionalism #RespectInPolitics #CordialityInTheHouse #Integrity #Civility

Framed! The Art of Decoding What’s Not Said

Ever noticed how people nod, use hand gestures, or even make funny noises instead of talking? Sure, you have. People in suits do it too, but maybe they’ve got their own secret reasons.

Imagine you’re chatting with someone and they’re doing all sorts of things – throwing you a smile, raising an eyebrow, or maybe giving you the silent treatment. This isn’t just random; it’s like they’re giving you special clues in a secret code. This super cool detective work is called “framing.” It’s like zooming in with a camera on the most interesting bits – a laugh, a sigh, or even what they didn’t say.

Now, let’s talk about the mystery of the unsaid stuff. It’s like being a detective in a movie, trying to figure out what’s missing from the puzzle. People who are good at this, let’s call them “Framers,” have this ninja skill to fill in the gaps and get the whole picture. It’s a bit like trying to figure out why your friend is suddenly quiet or why your mama gave you that look when you mentioned burgers for dinner… again.

Framing isn’t just for one-on-one chats; it happens all the time, whether you’re hanging out with your friends or in a big group. You could be picking up on someone’s vibe, how they’re standing, the way they talk, or even the pause before they spill the beans. Will you remember how your love said goodbye, with that special tone and those chosen words? Absolutely! You’re focusing on what matters most to you, capturing that moment in your mind like a photo.

So, have you ever caught yourself doing some framing without even realizing it? Next time you’re in a convo, see if you can spot those hidden messages and silent shout-outs. Who knows? You might just crack the code of what’s really being said!