Friends have been asking me to write about divorce and how it can be beneficial. With Valentine’s Day occurring less than two weeks ago, let’s briefly discuss the “all good men are already taken” conversation. After possibly multiple trials on dating sites, family and friend match makers and multiple dead ends, some women start to believe that all the good men are already taken. A good man can be defined as one who wouldn’t lie, cheat, consider violence as option when communications break down, or leave when life gets tough.
Before we move on, let’s begin with a few reasons why (it seems) that all the good men are already taken:
1. ASSUMED CONCLUSIONS.
After several attempts to find a good man and yielding no positive outcome, this leads to the conclusion that all the ‘good men’ are already taken. This conclusion may cause a woman to unconsciously downplay a ‘good man’ when one comes along because the mind’s frequency has been tuned to WGMT (good men taken).
2. EXPECTING TOO MUCH, TOO SOON.
Creating beautiful and unbreakable relationships take time and work to build. Emphasis on the word work. Strong relationships occur when both parties give their best. Perhaps some great guys are missed because of the time and effort required to get the best hasn’t been invested yet.
3. YOU’RE LOOKING IN THE WRONG PLACES.
Relationships start by actually meeting people and getting to know them. Speed dating and dating apps aren’t always very helpful in meeting people in their most honest and natural form. If you are trying to find a good man, you’ll have to pay attention to where and how you meet the men you date. Instead of a random club or bar, try a book club or a charity outreach/event.
4. YOU SEE WHAT YOU WANT TO SEE.
Most coupled men tend to look very good when they are in a loving relationship. This tends to consolidate the idea that ‘all good men are taken’. But when a man is single, the checklist titled my ideal man is pulled up on the computer and the search for flaws initiated. Chances are when held up against a checklist, he will have several flaws.
Finding a good man is a complicated task when you are already in a relationship with the fantasy man who checks certain boxes or specifications you have for yourself. This will cause every potentially good man that comes your way not to match up. Reassess those standards to ensure they are a bit more realistic.
5. UNREALISTIC STANDARDS
The truth is, as cliché as it might sound, there is someone for everyone. God himself instituted marriage from the beginning. He created man as a social being; hence, there was a need for a suitable counterpart for man’s potential to be maximized. This led to the creation of woman to be his wife, thus, laying the foundation and pattern for holy matrimony (Genesis 2: 20-24).
God has a good man for every good woman and a good woman for every good man. He still delights in marriages till death. He loves it when a good woman meets a good man, gets to know him in a relationship and then move on to get married. The question one has to ask themselves now is what makes a person ‘good’?
Goodness is a fruit of the Holy Spirit (Galatians 5:22). This means a ‘good’ person in God’s eyes is a person filled with the Holy Spirit. This means such a person must have a salvation experience, as this is the only way of receiving the Holy Spirit. A person becomes ‘good’ as a result of the transformation that occurs after salvation.
Now that we’ve defined what it means to be a ‘good’ person, we have to understand that God will never leave such a person to find a suitable partner on their own. He’s aware of your need for a good partner; and actively leads you to finding one. He does this through various methods:
- A strong impression in your heart inspired by the Spirit of God (Romans 8:14)
- The audible voice of God (1 Samuel 3:10)
- Deep unexplainable love-not lust, pity or admiration-for an individual
- Dreams, Visions and Revelations-not contrary to the scriptures (Acts 16:9-10)
- Divinely ordered circumstances (Genesis 24:12-27)
- Peace in the heart and spirit concerning a perceived choice
One thing to remember is that God instituted marriage and being a good God, he only has good plans for you (Jer. 29:11). At no time will all the good men be taken because someone right for you is out there.